are like us, and to want to feel comfortable and "fit in." The problem is that too much of this leads to isolation, which in turn creates separation, misunderstanding, and prejudice. It seems odd to me that a natural human tendency to "fit in" can lead down the path toward hatred and violence. However, this tendency can be easily overcome with a simple openness and willingness to learn about others. This is summed up best by my personal favorite of Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Habit Five: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood^®. This simple concept, if followed properly, has the power to completely transform the world.

Fortunately, my wife, Michelle, and I have a strong natural desire to experience diversity, and we both appreciate spending time around those who are different from us. Not to say we don't experience the urge to want to be comfortable and fit in, but our appreciation for diversity balances this out. We've found we can greatly enhance our life experiences by sharing and learning from others, especially when they have a different viewpoint than us. When we take the time to sit down with one another, we then realize that we really are all essentially the same inside, and any of our differences tend to vanish.

Some of our most valuable lessons in life have come about in one of two ways. Either we neglected to appreciate and respect our differences with others and learned a tough lesson; or instead we chose in the moment to be honest, open, and appreciative and were blessed with an incredibly rich experience. I'd like to share an example of a recent situation where I chose the latter, and I am very grateful for the wonderful experience I encountered.

One morning last December when Michelle and I were on a Caribbean cruise, I made a quick trip from our cabin to the "Lido" deck for a snack. On my way back to our cabin, I entered the elevator going down, finding myself in the company of three women. At first appearance we couldn't be more different from each other: Me, not yet showered for the day and in a t-shirt, shorts, and flip flops, and the three of them all dressed up and fully accessorized; me, white as a Minnesotan in December (with a slight Caribbean "glow") and the three of them very dark skinned; me, with a Minne-SOH-ta accent, and them with a thick southern drawl. It seemed as though we were perfect opposites. The elevator doors closed, and for a brief moment we were all quiet, most likely recognizing our differences and waiting for the uncomfortable "being-in-the-elevator-with-strangers" moment to pass.

Then, in a flash of inspiration, I put on a big smile and asked the ladies, "How are you doing today?" It was at this moment when I noticed that aside from their fancy dress and emotionless faces, the three women were each holding a champagne glass, filled with a colorful orange cocktail…what I quickly assessed to be morning mimosas. I didn't have to wait long for my question to be answered when the woman in the middle held up her glass and belted out "I feeel GOOOD!"…a la James Brown, including not only the scrunched face but also the patented single-leg twist. And so I spent the next few moments enjoying myself, singing and dancing to an impromptu version of James Brown's "I Feel Good" with three complete strangers. Unfortunately, our performance came to a screeching halt when we reached my floor and the elevator doors opened. The experience ended as quickly and abruptly as it began. At that point I could barely compose myself enough to wish them a wonderful day, and then I was on my way back to the cabin with a giant smile on my face, dancing alone down the hallway.

I immediately recounted the experience, as best I could, to Michelle, while still laughing, smiling, and occasionally breaking into song. We both said how much we love and appreciate being around people that are unlike us. They are so refreshing!

We also acknowledged that although we can be different from others, and in so many different ways, there are always similarities that we can use to our mutual benefit. In my experience above, all of us in the elevator were together on the ship as passengers, enjoying a fabulous Caribbean vacation. In hindsight, we perhaps couldn't have had anything more fun in common! But in the moment, when things are not always so clear, we were fortunate to have leveraged this common bond between us to generate an enjoyable interaction. And I'd say it worked quite well. In fact, for the remainder of the cruise every time I ran into one of my new lady friends, we acknowledged each other with an extra big smile and a friendly greeting, even though we still basically knew nothing about each other. That was a very happy moment we shared, and I only hope that they appreciated it as much as I did.

It's important for us all to acknowledge our differences but not judge them. Understanding, respecting, and appreciating one another is the magic solution to the world's cultural, ethnic, and racial conflicts. But sadly, at this point in time in many places on the planet, it seems we hardly appear to be "tolerating" one another, much less showing appreciation.

While I've focused on the most obvious differences—culture, race, and ethnicity—there are a full myriad of other, less obvious differences between us all. We are introverted and extroverted. We are right-brained (creative) and left-brained (analytical). We are skinny and overweight, talkative and quiet, serious and funny, organized and messy. There are thousands of differences we all encounter each day that can either be treated as annoying obstacles, or, they can be appreciated and respected for the variety they bring to the world.

In your own life, how do you appreciate diversity?

What is your default reaction when faced with someone different from you?

What can each of us do to help transform the world from intolerance to appreciation?

Bill Stimpson is a coach, consultant, and writer who encourages others to think independently. Learn more about Bill.

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