Imagine that you were planning to take some quiet time all alone tonight by treating yourself to dinner out and then going for a walk around a nearby lake. Ahhh…a much needed evening of self-care. But then in the afternoon, a surprise phone call is made to you by the president of the organization for which you volunteer. A call for help…they need you to pitch-in tonight. Even though you knew there were many others who would be able to help that night, he asked you. And so with a knee-jerk reaction, you say, "Sure," but hang up feeling discouraged, disappointed, and less than enthusiastic about your role as volunteer. You already know later that night you will be angry for not keeping your important commitment with yourself.

What happened? A "boundary" was not created. Weeks ago, you set this night aside which fell at the end of a very busy month at work. You have

The first important step is to decide what is most important to you. Even when you think you don't know…you do. Deep down, you always know what's most important to you. For example, in the scenario above, "self-care" sounds like a priority. When we say out loud, then, that self-care is a priority, it means that in order to exercise integrity, we need to then set a boundary around our self-care needs.

What this doesn't mean is that you perform self-care rituals at the cost of relationships with others or important things in your life. What it does mean, though, is that you carefully construct a coat of protection around taking care of your own needs. And in each moment of choice (for example, an unexpected invitation to volunteer) you pause. You pause to check-in about your boundary; pause to make sure it is being honored. Then—and only then after reflecting on your boundary—you're ready to make your decision.

To replay the scenario above from a different perspective, the phone call comes in and you are asked to volunteer that night. This time, you take a brief moment to remind yourself that: 1) Tonight is a special gift for you and you deserve to have some quiet time alone, and 2) The important volunteer role could surely be filled by someone else that night. "Thanks so much for asking; I appreciate you thinking of me. I'm sorry, but I'm not able to work tonight. I hope it's not too hard to find someone else." All said with a smile because you know what is best for you. You have created a healthy boundary around making yourself a priority. You know that when you go to bed later that night, you will feel refreshed, invigorated…and above all, true to yourself.

Take some time to think about what's important in your life. Then decide where you need to create boundaries. Think of a boundary like a "fence," protecting that which is most important. When there is no fence in place, any old thing can come in and trample all over something you value. And sometimes it happens so quickly that you don't even know what hit you! With a well thought-out fence (or, boundary) around the precious aspects in your life, you maintain leadership; you stay in control of your life and you live a life of integrity…maintaining authenticity.

Sign-up now for an Ultimate Living Jump-Start to: 1) Identify important boundaries, and 2) Develop a plan to stay true.

Michelle Stimpson is a Personal Success Coach who works with her clients to be their best and create outstanding lives…and close the gap between where they are now and where they want to be.

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